Flimsy Heaven
by Batya000
Summary: Closed eyes, heart not beating, but a living love. AU/ Yaoi References, OC centrix/ If you don't know me, then don't read it, it doesnt have anything to do with Inuyasha
**Warning:** AU */*/*/ will not understand if you haven't read previous works or actually spoken to me. YAOI, implied Shippo/Hakudoshi, implied Ranma/OC*/*/ Alternative Universe AU

THIS IS UNBETAED, I am not feeling well :( so I am not going to re-read and correct, found grammar mistakes? Good for you.

 **Rate: T**

 **Characters:** Shippo/ Hakudoshi (principal idea taken from Rumiko Takahashi's and slight appearance though more mature.) Ranma (idea taken from Rumiko Takahashi's I don't own him) AU /*/*/ Youki (OC)

 **AN/** Right, this is a very short drabble that I wrote in a single day (I am working in YxR since weeks ago, and I wanted something to refresh so I came with this idea) Nothing important just a vacant POV, Shippo is one of my faves so be it. This is merely friendly/platonic but I don't rule you.

 **Enjoy**

 **OOOO**

 **Flimsy Heaven**

"Closed eyes, heart not beating, but a living love."  
― **Avis Corea**

 **Shippo's POV**

It was not Ranma's fault, for that I was certain.

He was just a spirit that could not be contained in the feebleness of the living, and I agreed that his condition could only have worsened if he were still inhaling this grave ambiance.

Still I was reticent and in sheer denial that this was the very best decision he could have taken, for me, it was not.

… A flood of recollections and memoirs made their company in my shattered mind.

"It will be fine," My arms reached for his flimsy form, and it the sheer attempt to sooth an everlasting wound, I pressed his face to my chest, "You will be fine." I felt his thin arms wrapping around my waist, I heard him sob.

In all the time I had known him; I never imagined we would be wedged in such an affable provisos. The guy I once knew; was long lost. The careless attitude that once gave me fights was just an audible story about how we would be at each other's neck… when he used to be fine.

This was not Youki.

And sadly, I saw how little by little his ever so gentle presence started to collapse into an endless precipice of chaos and disarray.

I remembered the times he lifted me up from the brutality that was my reality. I remembered the tries. The brittleness over my own break up, strangely, Youki was ever so present.

 _I allowed myself to remember._

"See, things are not as out as you think." Youki mumbled as he reached for another chip, fingers filled with some cheesy-orange crumbs, after cleaning them, he smiled.

I grunted in response, the pervasive dour was still yielded in my eyes, Youki's tongue clicked and he jabbed his elbow on my ribs, I grunted in displeasure yet again and in response he smiled broadly "Lemme tell you a joke. It will make you feel better."

"Nah, thank you."

"E'right, here I go," I sighed at him, but some part of me, wanted a real escape from all the bleak that my life had evolved in, Youki leered in acceptance and continued, "What kind of bees make milk instead of honey?"

I grunted in sly annoyance and amusement, "I dunno-"

"Boobies."

My face didn't move an inch but he didn't hide his own amusement for the joke as he started laughing, and that's what made me laugh back, the freedom he experienced for his own charade is what made the moment worth it, "Dude, I swear to God, you cannot be more stup-"

"I have another one, here, here," He moved his hands to shut me up, I complied and the smile could not leave my lips, "Where does a sheep go for a haircut?" I leered at him and actually lent a thought about it, then moved my shoulders in absolute doubt. He finished, "To the baaa baaa shop"

Again he started laughing and tiny tears of joy bordered his eyes as his hand placed itself on my shoulder, I could not avoid the bubbler of laughter that emerged from my chest to my mouth, I didn't know if I laughed by how bad and white those jokes were or about his own delight for his own blabbering, I could not decide.

After two or three jokes that deserved a punch on the nose - _that I never gave_ -, he told me we should go to any fast food restaurant and after going, the wounds that scattered in my chest resurged yet again, I guessed he did not miss it.

"Shippo." He stopped me, I turned around to notice he stopped walking 30 seconds ago, I moved my head in response and he sighed.

"See dude, I am not going to say it just because I consider you my pal."

I smiled and shook my head, "Don't then."

"No, shut up, lemme finish." He lashed, I sighed and turned around to face him. "Hakudoshi, he…" Youki sighed and a sharp pink color tainted his cheeks, "He doesn't deserve you."

I laughed loudly, "Shut it, if Ranma hears you he will think you are throwing a fling on me." Youki frowned at this and the innocent stubbornness that made us alike surfaced in him as he closed his eyes and hmphed indignantly at me.

"Well I am not; I am just stating that the kid doesn't deserve a good guy like you, hence I imply he should go fuck himself." His eyes opened and then he smiled, "You are kind hearted per say… Hakudoshi is unable to see that. And you…"

He heaved another sigh and looked to the other side, "You deserve much better…"

I turned around and hided the smile that crept upon my lips, for all the things a friend could tell, not even the most poetic and deep thoughts could surpass the sincerity that was evident in his own clumsy and simple minded words.

 _I was thankful._

I heard him yelp as I reached strenuously for him and side-hugged him in a brotherly embrace that made both of us smirk in competence and playfulness, "No need to be so awkward Youki, I got it, I'm irresistible."

"Ha?! I never meant that you single-celled amoeba!" And thought my obstinate way of seeing life refused to see someone sincere and a friend to count on _, I still got it_ and I felt incredibly grateful at this. For I knew that after all those years of going against each other, the probability of your best friends being your first nemesis was highly _true_.

Youki was sincere, and that made us alike.-

But then, they say that with some real friendship, the murkier side of the person in questions has to eventually come to sight, and that's the next thing I learned.

Youki's careless face was just an insubstantial façade that he would wrap up into a dappled and skulk self that nobody liked to see and he was also afraid of sharing. Still I could define him as a gentle person in perpendicular desperation to be _accepted_ and loved.

Just like he adored the few people that came near, he wanted to be wanted, though many of these people tended to grow tired of him, _not_ for his **will** being _side intentioned_ , **But** for _it_ actually being incredibly _real,_ Youki's adoration for the people who dared to come near was incredibly wide and maybe he scared people off.

In my personal experience, less I've seen people who tended to love the people near rather than themselves, actually he was the first. That's what made an actual impression in me, for someone had never loved me more that themselves, and certainly these people who often pushed Youki away, didn't know what loneliness felt like.

Youki and _I_ **did,** we knew what the walls of loneliness tasted like, for its bitter taste was long remembered; we searched company in different ways but _still searched._

Youki's circle was tiny, very few people were interested in speaking to him, as he grew up like the cero to your left but the ones that came near were often those who felt less than him, Youki never minded any society acceptance, so he would accept anyone who could offer friendship and trust, of course I honestly did not include myself in this, for I spoke to him for pure causality. Maybe because of Ranma…

Honestly, I used to think very squat about him.

To define him better, I would use the word _"lonely"._ He often tended to remember his mother, surely and certainly that woman gave him love while she still walked on this earth, abruptly he lost her. And she left an unprotected child to wander through the crushing reality of society.

As far as I knew, that is the reason why he cared dearly for the ones who came near.

Youki's appearance was most threatening that he actually was. Aggressive jet black hair, curls that came down his waist, white pale skin that contrasted red striking lips that often curved into an intimidating yet _playful_ smirk and the of course large amounts of tattoos draped all over his right arm. He surely seemed like the kind of kid you wouldn't want to mess with, not because he was bulky nor had a low dangerous wallop in, but mostly because he seemed like a rude _girl._

Like those rebellious teenagers who could easily meant your mother, far they knew Youki was right the contrary.

In all actually, Youki was very passive towards those who came in terms of knowing that after an insult, he wouldn't fight back. Youki would never touch someone's veneer or appearance as he was often target of those insults; He would more often smile than frown and of course the assuring ever so gently semblance that he would gift upon trust. All in all, he was a good kid.

But no one was in the slightest interested in letting him know that.

For if I asked about his personal opinion about himself, he would joke about it but deep inside crystal clear eyes, I would gather enough information to know he thought very low about himself and that I didn't have the regards or guts to assure the contrary. I never did, I thought it was not necessary.

Youki never minded about someone's appearance, about someone's scent, economic standard, family history, presentation or beauty level, he often tended to see the intention or the good approaches he could have with whoever _the cool kids_ would **exclude**. Youki said if _the cool kids_ excluded someone; it was probably _because_ that person _had more to offer_ than a pretty face or money in the pocket and he would approach those people.

Though many of those excluded pushed him away, he surely made a couple of real friends.

Honestly, that gave him the sincerity many people lacked of.

Youki, worked to eat or his pocket would be too tight to the extent of asking his dad for economic help, not always, I initially thought he always did, but he would ask for a certain amount and would not ask the next month. He would either work or limit his three square foods. No wonder he was so thin.

He seemed happy anyways, that is of course until I extended our approaches as to _meet him._

And I concluded shortly after, Youki was not a happy kid. Not at all.

I never called him a friend, but I think it was not necessary; he always came to me when he felt devastated. And bizarrely, I came to him too, when I felt like it.

Maybe we never called each other a _"friend"_ because we were still proud of being past nemesis that it was still funny how we could share now.

One of the stages that I often found difficult to deal was his relationship with Ranma, and Ranma was my best friend for all the sake's I could give.

Ranma was a good guy sure, I could swear that to Youki, but Ranma's mind was not nearly as fragile as Youki's was, and that's of course because after some questioning to Youki, I found that he was mentally unstable, clinically ill and diagnosed with some depressive or anxiousness fit that only 3 to 4 pills would rile up.

Youki was not fine, and his mental health was slowly detouring. Right under my eyes.

Ranma was not alone after all, he had family, a sister that always loved him and _leaving_ Youki was not a great deal, apparently at least.

But that could devastate Youki to none imaginable steeps, and it would be hard to always watch him touch ground, about self-loathing, self-harm and belligerence to stand up.

It was fine but it was slightly unfair how Ranma had ways to forget him, either training or playing around with the people only he knew, not to mention Ranma would never listen to me, better be, he never called to be exact and if he did, he was obdurate about his position, how would I tell him that Youki was more devastated that he could imagine, how would I suggest him to go to see him, I simply could not.

But I could tell Youki, everything would be fine.

That he should try to get up.

But Youki would only cry about how he knew he was never going to be good enough, _good enough,_ _ **good enough.**_

Youki could only go to his isolated apartment and close the doors with double lock, feed a big bunny that I found, he bought to get rid of Hakudoshi's rudeness and nothing more.

Wait

 _Wait._

 **Wait.**

And then he would call.

He would cry on the phone, saying he should go for Ranma, that he should apologize, _"Shippo tell me it was my fault so I can go for him."_ But no, it was not, It's just that Youki's desperation to love Ranma probably pushed him away, or they were not in the same symphony, because Youki would only bash about how much he loved him, how he wished he didn't fall this hard, why was Ranma like that, why did he feel so alone.

"Respect yourself Youki, he found it easy to push you away, he is waiting for you to go for him."

And then but, but, _but,_ if, if, _if._

"Youki if you go for him this time again, you will never see the daylight dude."

Cries and cries, and another wave of painful cries would invade my ears and I could not understand.

I could not understand, Hakudoshi never ever cried this way for me, he never even dropped his inflexible façade and yet this guy cried _his heart out_ for a man that probably missed him but not as hard as Youki did, and this was for obvious reasons.

Ranma had distractions and I reminded myself about the vicious reality.

People tend to like _painful treatments._

I include myself.

I say it because of Youki.

And Ranma, who probably would prefer someone _not_ that _easy._

And Youki was _easy_ in all the possible terms, sexually speaking _too._ Not to everybody _but_ for Ranma, if Ranma wanted _him_ even if they fought, _even_ if Youki laid with a broken heart, Ranma could take him and that's it.

Like I used to think Luna was easy, she was not. She never opened her legs for someone else, yet she did for me and still I regarded her as _"Easy."_ I wondered if Ranma felt the same way about Youki.

I never said Ranma did not love Youki back, but I did think it was not as reciprocate as the unconditional love should be.

For this was killing Youki in all the topics above.

Hakudoshi was never easy to me, and he always pushed me away, I was up there, _always_ for him, **unconditional,** never asked why, _I was easy for him._

I didn't have a family.

I didn't have other friends that I could rely in.

When I came home I would be covered in dust.

I made Hakudoshi part of my two people _tiny_ family and that tiny family meant _Hakudoshi and I._

 _That is why I related myself so much to Youki's misery._

He didn't have a family anymore.

He didn't have any friend to rely on, for they pushed him away and ran far away- _literally._

When he came home he would find himself with only his pet on his lap and no hunger, no anger and nothing to move him forwards.

And once I entered in his tiny bedroom, the photos arranged on his walls were a detail that his family was only Ranma.

Just the two of them.

In Youki's world of course.

I felt like a fool, and I felt Youki was also a fool.

Why, why, _why_ didn't Hakudoshi understand the fragility of my world, why Ranma did not understand the glass bubble of Youki's happiness?

I just needed my love to be reciprocated, and Youki needed his adoration to be mutual.

 _Was it so hard?_

That didn't make Hakudoshi a monster, I understood this long after he left me, but that made him unworthy of all the love I was ready to give.

And I saw myself in the tears that Youki's eyes showed.

Because it felt the same as when Hakudoshi left _me_ , right when Youki told me those unfunny jokes that made my world worth for a second, it felt the same when Ranma left _him_ , and I couldn't take my arms from hugging him, wishing I could hug myself, seeing myself in the little brother I never had,

Seeing the unfairness of everything and wishing someone wanted Youki, so he could be happy. Wishing someone wanted me, so I could be happy.

 _Why?_

Was it that bad to give yourself as a whole to another person? Why did Hakudoshi push me away? Why did Ranma push him away _like_ if it was not that _big_ of a deal?

 _When those break-ups meant our world spiraling down._

Why didn't he come for Youki?

Why didn't Hakudoshi come for me? He never did, I wasn't worth his pride. And I stopped Youki from going to Ranma as I wished someone had stopped me from making fool again. Youki was me, and I was him.

Over and over I would go for Hakudoshi, since he would never follow me down, I had to. I didn't want to lose him, not knowing I never had him, just like Youki bented over the phone, _why for god's mercy, why hasn't Ranma called once?_ And if he ever did, it was for wishing him misery and anguish.

Things I would _never_ wish for Youki, for he was guy that barely found happiness in a friend, in the memories of his mother, in between arms to be hugged, those negativities are things, I wouldn't wish for him, for I knew he had had enough of it already.

If Youki was mine, he would worth it, to come and apologize, to accept someone's entire love, since it was something not everyone was willing to give. I remembered it was something _he_ said, _"You know, Shippo, if I was Hakudoshi, I would come right away, on my knees! And ask for absolution, dude I swear, you don't see a guy head over hills that easily, like NEVE, I mean, if you were mine, I would be honored."_

No flirting, not any sided intentions, it was the sincerity he spoke with that never got me uneasy.

Day by day, his disintegration was more evident than before and for once and for all, he called me to finish his suffering. It was one of the hardest days of my entire life.

" _Give me a reason to live."_

The phone shook in my nervous hands, he sounded serene, but the tranquility irked me to no end.

I knew he was asking for help, _a reason_ to live, a whole reason to _stay_ and for a second, all those reasons slipped away from my brain.

"W-where are you?"

" _It doesn't matter… so, you have none?"_

I choked and stood from my bed, it was around 3:23 am, "Youki, what are you doing?"

" _Well then I'll drop cordialities… Thank you for being there, I came to feel so alone in this past months-"_

"What the hell- what are you speaking about?!" I choked again, the haziness from my sleep rapidly evaporated and few droplets of sweat slipped past my frown, I didn't know what to say, I heard him laugh and it was probably the last laugh I ever heard from him.

" _I am saying farewell,"_

"You ain't saying shit, where are you?"

" _Shippo, I will not tell you, and you will not stop me, now better listen to me."_ Strangely, his tone was peaceful, very quiet and got that gently lift to it, he was probably smiling.

I breathed heavily on the phone; he assured me once again _"I am fine,"_ and then, " _Shippo, I am sorry for our later brawls, I never imagined you would be the last person I would speak with, actually the last person I would chose to speak with."_

Neither did I.

" _I want to thank you for all the things you've done for me, I never imagined I would have a friend like you."_

And still, all I did was to lend him a shoulder to cry on, I never let him know he was worth anyone he wanted, I never let him now he was not what he thought about himself, and I never let him know he was one of the greatest persons I had the opportunity to meet.

" _Don't let the same flame burn you twice, be strong and Shippo?"_

I was shaking, I couldn't answer, _"Well, I think you are a better person than everybody think you are…. You are not the mindless basketball player and you do have a heart, bigger than any other guy's. Thank you, you showed me the mercy I needed at my worst."_

" _Please live what I will not."_

He hung up.

Was all it took to make me run out of my house, shaking, I came to his apartment and he was not there, he was nowhere I could find and when the daylight made its presence, I knew he was long gone.

I never let myself to cry over him, I never crumbled to what I felt like, and though I wanted to cry him over, I pushed myself to be ready when the news came to light and the specifications where private to his father to know.

I kept his pet.

Apart from it and everything else was abruptly taken from all the people who wished to know.

How did he die, if he suffered, what anguish he assured and what sadness override him were qualms I didn't get to know in official information, just by the things I shared with him, I was probably the only person who knew, it was all I had and still I was one of the shoulders Ranma used to cry on.

Of course, I never blamed him.

For he wasn't that one in fault, Ranma loved him I knew that, but Youki was lonelier than Ranma thought, he was frailer and he was sick. And was Youki's illness that drove him to another step that neither I nor Ranma had the idea he could stride in.

I never got to see his corpse, his father asked for his son's body to be taken to Singapore. In all his rights, no funeral was held and nobody got a tomb to place flowers on, his father thought Japan made him feel the isolation that led his only child to suicide. The child that was so pleaded by his mother.

I closed my eyes. Another flash of memories brought back his essence and I couldn't be strong enough this time, I never told him he was a friend, but he was and he _left_ thinking his entire world was not corresponding his feelings, including me.

My tears could not be contained anymore.

' _Remember you are the gift I asked for before I was even born.'_ I read aloudthe necklace Youki had in a silver pendant, I leered in tease.

"Is that from a past lover? Ranma maybe, Rin perhaps?"

"No, my mom" Youki smiled, "She always said corny stuff." He blushed as he gripped the insignia graved in the silvery pendant. "She said I was special." He huffed in proud.

I laughed, "Yeah you are, dumb as fuck…"

"Not that ' _special'_ stupid, she meant good with that ` _special_ `" And our banters would go on, either would I tease or he would tease, but it is strange to have someone by your side without you noticing it was a friend, and then be abruptly gone.

He unconsciously made me promise something, and I would make it worth, like nobody said he was worth anything, but he was. He is.

 _I will live what you will not._

" _On the death of a friend, we should consider that the fates through confidence have devolved on us the task of a double living, that we have henceforth to fulfill the promise of our friend's life also, in our own, to the world."_ _  
_ _―_ _ **Henry David Thoreau**_

 _OOOO_

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 _ **AN/**_ I didn't want this to be sad, I didn't actually worked for it to be sad like I did in Seppuku, I just wanted to expose some thoughts a friend could have over a deceased pal. So don't be impressed if you didn't cry, because it was not the idea. I didn't want to put much emotion on it since Shippo's thoughts tend to me colder than one can expect. The lines were not subjective and were colder than I originally intended, that is why this is a vacant POV, but Im is slightly proud of it, merely an experiment.

 **Side note,** Ranma was **not** the antagonist or anything, for I wanted you to understand Youki's deterred mental health and how some people react to certain circumstances. I wanted to develop this little drabble with one of my favorite Characters which is of course Shippo. I discovered that it's not that I don't like Shippo and Hakudoshi, is that I came to serious analyzes that Shippo deserves more than Hakudoshi's selfish stances. There is so much that I expect from Shippo and I also realized he is very alike to Youki, but I think Shippo is not as ill as Youki is. I laid the cards about how much empathy Shippo and Youki can develop since their cases are similar but I do think Ranma loves Youki back, its just much more complicated to write.

To make amends, I will post fluff of them this week. I also helped this fic, it was plainly friendship but if some of you want to read it as some kind of romantic stuff then go ahead, as a writer I won't stop your imagination (I don't see how), still my ships are clear.

I will develop Shippo more in angst stories since I can't do fluff with Hakudoshi right now, but Ranma and Youki can do both. Poor Shippo *cries*as platonic as I write these two, I think they are very similar (Shippo and Youki) and can share friendly fluffy moments and also very angsty and serious ones. PS: Sorry for the death-fic.

Also this is my first attempt as Shippo's POV, it is not perfect buuut, I really don't think he is mindless. If he were to witness Youki's death at least these thoughts could emerge, after all I see them both more comfortable around each other than Shippo is with Ranma for example, who knows I can be wrong.

Anyways it's also due that I love Shippo.

Reviews and Rates.

BC


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